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I've never been the most extroverted person, and probably never will be. But the examples I gave at the top of this post are just some of how my anxiety affects me. I don't have "traditional" panic attacks by crying and hyperventilating, but this picture below demonstrates other ways of anxiety manifesting someone.
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I had something that's known as "imposter syndrome" and the definition is exactly what I thought in those first few months: that I would be found out as a "fraud" for not being good at my job and someone would report me, resulting in me being fired. Also phone calls with anyone literally terrified me. If the phone would ring, I would choose not to answer it (something I really wouldn't recommend), or if I did, I was shrouded in worry about how I would come across to anyone, even my colleagues who are always lovely.
These dreadful feelings continued, and I took a shit-tonne of Bach's Rescue Remedy every day just to get through the day. I thought I was going mad - no-one told me it was normal to feel like this for so long. I told my manager about how I was feeling (which is so important) and she was so lovely, offering me support and recommending me to call our mental health assistance service. Confronting my anxiety and phoning someone literally turned my stomach to mush but I did it.
The counsellor I spoke to said I had something called "conscious incompetence", where I constantly believe that I'm incompetent at my job (as I described) and I needed to change these thoughts to "unconscious competence", as shown in the graphic below. I also kept reminding myself that I'm not in danger, nor do I have anything to be scared of. The lady also said that it took 6 months for her to feel OK in her new job, so it's completely normal, it was just something I'd never experienced before.
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Phone calls have gotten less scary too, I just think of them as a new way to contact someone and build a professional relationship. I think that's down to having command of the Press Office phone for two weeks, where I was forced to speak to strangers who were looking for different things, and you can't not answer the phone in a press office, so was great exposure therapy for me.
Some things still need work, but I'm proud of how far I've come in the last year/18 months. I know I'll never be anxiety-free, but through trying new coping methods and techniques, I can be close. I'll settle for that.
What are your experiences with anxiety? Are they ways you could share to help someone going through a tough time? Let me know.
A K Jones
xx
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Oh gosh, if I started on my experience with anxiety I'd be here all day. I had a funny start to my "anxiety journey" but it certainly has been that, a journey. I hate this notion that it's a trend and "everyone has it just because everyone else has it". What an awful thing to think and say.
ReplyDeleteJenny
http://www.jennyinneverland.com
I think this post can help a lot of people, especially with the understanding of panic attacks
ReplyDeleteLove, Amie ❤
The Curvaceous Vegan